And the guilt has returned…just a little.

So last night after walking home from work, the first thing I see is my wonderful husband pulling weeds and trimming bushes in our yard.  I know that after a long day at work, the last thing he wants to do is yard work – but he knows it’s been bugging me and so he’s hard at work making the yard look pretty.  I also know that one of the things he enjoys most during the week is spending time with Madeline and since he was doing yard work, he was not able to see her much last night.  I too saw how much work there was to do so I proceeded to help him kill weeds, pull weeds, etc.  My mom had watched the baby all day and she was kind enough to stay an extra few hours so that we could get stuff done.

So, my question is:  How do you get stuff done around the house when all you want to do is spend time with the child (and hubby 🙂 ) you haven’t seen all day?  David & I have obviously been choosing to spend time with our child over tending the lawn (hence the massive weed gardens in the front/back/side yards).  So when we choose Madeline over chores, I feel guilty that the yard is falling apart – making it an even larger task when we finally do get to it.  And when we work on the yard (something that has to get done) I feel guilty that I’m not spending any time with her.  Yesterday, since my mom had her all day, I was able to see her at breakfast time and then again for lunch (my mom was nice enough to come meet me) and then to say goodnight.

Maybe it’s because she’s getting older and is starting to notice when we’re gone, but I’m starting to feel guilty for working again.  In fact, last night when I got home, Madeline was playing with my mom when she wanted to walk over to me.  “Sweet!”, I thought.  She wants to see me!  As soon as I picked her up, she started crying for my mom (even reaching her arms out towards my mom!) which made me feel awful!  Does she really prefer my mom to me?  Is she upset with me for leaving her all day and choosing to work? I know the answer to both is “of course not” but it still stung.  Figuring out this work-life balance is getting tougher and tougher the older and more aware Madeline becomes.

%d bloggers like this: